Minimum Safe Distance

I'm Riff. I'm a writer for a popular online game called Kingdom of Loathing. This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

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Fri Feb 11
Cindy: “So uh… you’re going to keep the psychos out with a little roadblock sign?”Marty: “Not just any roadblock sign! Tell her, Roadblockbot.”Roadblockbot: “DO NOT ENTER. NO PSYCHOS ADMITTED PAST THIS POINT.”Cindy: “I’m impressed that you’ve gotten so good at robotics in such a short time, but I don’t think this is going to help much. I think we need to be more proactive.”Marty: “What do you mean?”Cindy: “I wanna go see if I can track down where the ear guy went. Pick up his trail, maybe catch up to him and keep him from recruiting any badasses.”Marty: “Are you nuts? This is psychos we’re talking about. Guys who cut off your ears as a way to say ‘hello’!”Cindy: “Look, I’m not going to sit here waiting and being afraid. I’m sick of being freaked out all the time. I’ve gotta do something.”Marty: “I… well, okay. I guess I can’t really argue with that. I can’t go with you, though — I have to stay here and get all the robots into some kind of fighting condition.”Cindy: “Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, I won’t go off alone, I’ll take one of the non-broken robots with me.”Marty: “Which one?”Cindy: “Uh, well, we’ve got Guardbot, or Panicbot… good Christ, we really are screwed, aren’t we? Announcebot?”Marty: “Announcebot isn’t actually mobile.”Cindy: “I’ll take Applepig with me.”

Cindy: “So uh… you’re going to keep the psychos out with a little roadblock sign?”

Marty: “Not just any roadblock sign! Tell her, Roadblockbot.”

Roadblockbot: “DO NOT ENTER. NO PSYCHOS ADMITTED PAST THIS POINT.”

Cindy: “I’m impressed that you’ve gotten so good at robotics in such a short time, but I don’t think this is going to help much. I think we need to be more proactive.”

Marty: “What do you mean?”

Cindy: “I wanna go see if I can track down where the ear guy went. Pick up his trail, maybe catch up to him and keep him from recruiting any badasses.”

Marty: “Are you nuts? This is psychos we’re talking about. Guys who cut off your ears as a way to say ‘hello’!”

Cindy: “Look, I’m not going to sit here waiting and being afraid. I’m sick of being freaked out all the time. I’ve gotta do something.”

Marty: “I… well, okay. I guess I can’t really argue with that. I can’t go with you, though — I have to stay here and get all the robots into some kind of fighting condition.”

Cindy: “Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, I won’t go off alone, I’ll take one of the non-broken robots with me.”

Marty: “Which one?”

Cindy: “Uh, well, we’ve got Guardbot, or Panicbot… good Christ, we really are screwed, aren’t we? Announcebot?”

Marty: “Announcebot isn’t actually mobile.”

Cindy: “I’ll take Applepig with me.”

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