Minimum Safe Distance

I'm Riff. I'm a writer for a popular online game called Kingdom of Loathing. This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

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Fri Feb 4
Keith: “Man, I sure am glad to be out of there. I wish I didn’t have to leave my ears behind, though.”Hairbrush Santa: “There’ll be plenty of fresh ears for the takin’ when we make the big attack. Fresh ears and fresh hair! Ho ho ho!”Keith: “Yeah, I know, but still. I had some really good ears in my collection. Some even had earrings in them! They were great! Seriously, fuck collecting bottlecaps, I’m never going back to that bullshit.”Hairbrush Santa: “So what’s the next part of the plan, Beautiful-Haired French Woman?”Femme de Pain: “Notre prochain devoir est de dépister et recruter plusieurs partisans précédents de Voldo, qui sont entrés dans la dissimulation depuis la victoire initiale des robots. En outre, ne m’appelez pas cela.”Keith: “I have not got a goddamn idea what she is saying, ever. Whose bright idea was it to put someone in charge who only talks in badly-translated French?Hairbrush Santa: “Voldo’s.”Keith: “Oh.”Tinyhelicopterbot: “Whirrrrrrrrr!!”

Keith: “Man, I sure am glad to be out of there. I wish I didn’t have to leave my ears behind, though.”

Hairbrush Santa: “There’ll be plenty of fresh ears for the takin’ when we make the big attack. Fresh ears and fresh hair! Ho ho ho!”

Keith: “Yeah, I know, but still. I had some really good ears in my collection. Some even had earrings in them! They were great! Seriously, fuck collecting bottlecaps, I’m never going back to that bullshit.”

Hairbrush Santa: “So what’s the next part of the plan, Beautiful-Haired French Woman?”

Femme de Pain: “Notre prochain devoir est de dépister et recruter plusieurs partisans précédents de Voldo, qui sont entrés dans la dissimulation depuis la victoire initiale des robots. En outre, ne m’appelez pas cela.”

Keith: “I have not got a goddamn idea what she is saying, ever. Whose bright idea was it to put someone in charge who only talks in badly-translated French?

Hairbrush Santa: “Voldo’s.”

Keith: “Oh.”

Tinyhelicopterbot: “Whirrrrrrrrr!!”

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