Minimum Safe Distance

I'm Riff. I'm a writer for a popular online game called Kingdom of Loathing. This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

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Pics

Thu Feb 3
Marty: “Boy oh boy, I sure am enjoying this yellow boxcar that is identical to the red one except for the color.”
Applepig: “Oink.”
Panicbot: “Guys! Guys! Shit! Fuck! Fucking shitfuck! Emergency! Emergency!”
Marty: “Did the dog bark at you again?”
Panicbot: “No! Worse than that! WAY worse than that!”
Cindy: “Oh my gosh! Are we out of hotdog buns?”
Panicbot: “No, listen! This is for real a serious real emergency!”
Marty: “Like the time Billy ate a potato chip that fell on the floor, even though it was a good three seconds too late for the Five Second Rule?”
Panicbot: “Jesus you guys, just think about it, will you? Yes, I am the classic Boy Who Cried Wolf, and therefore you don’t believe some kind of serious shit is going down. So, what the fuck always happens when the villagers refuse to believe the boy, even though he desperately tries to convince them that this time, he’s really telling the truth?”
Cindy: “…Oh.”
Marty: “Shit.”
Panicbot: “There’s a big fucking hole in the wall of the prison and the ear guy is missing, that’s what the fuck happens!”

Marty: “Boy oh boy, I sure am enjoying this yellow boxcar that is identical to the red one except for the color.”

Applepig: “Oink.”

Panicbot: “Guys! Guys! Shit! Fuck! Fucking shitfuck! Emergency! Emergency!”

Marty: “Did the dog bark at you again?”

Panicbot: “No! Worse than that! WAY worse than that!”

Cindy: “Oh my gosh! Are we out of hotdog buns?”

Panicbot: “No, listen! This is for real a serious real emergency!”

Marty: “Like the time Billy ate a potato chip that fell on the floor, even though it was a good three seconds too late for the Five Second Rule?”

Panicbot: “Jesus you guys, just think about it, will you? Yes, I am the classic Boy Who Cried Wolf, and therefore you don’t believe some kind of serious shit is going down. So, what the fuck always happens when the villagers refuse to believe the boy, even though he desperately tries to convince them that this time, he’s really telling the truth?”

Cindy: “…Oh.”

Marty: “Shit.”

Panicbot: “There’s a big fucking hole in the wall of the prison and the ear guy is missing, that’s what the fuck happens!”

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